Below is all the writing I did on a week long cruise of the Caribbean. It's probably the most personal I have ever been on this blog. Enjoy the ramblings.

HOME SWEET HOME.

December 22nd, 2006:

On my last blog post, I was recounting my time in Geneva last week, and right now, on December 22nd, 2006, I feel about as distant from the peaks and valleys on Switzerland as I could possibly feel. I know I will not be able to publish this blog entry until December 29th, but I am writing it now, and will continue to write throughout my trip on this cruise, so I will try and outline everything by date to make sure whomever (if anyone) reads this, they will be on track. So, here goes…

Cruises are interesting western inventions. First and foremost, they are largess to the utmost extent, so much so that it becomes sickening and somewhat distressing after a while. I have been viscerally and liberally pumped up with so much food, I feel dizzy. The boat is rocking, however, so some sort of seasickness may also factor into to that description.

Anywho, my trip here was hell. I flew from Amsterdam to Chicago, and then transferred there amidst a maelstrom of security to catch a connecting flight to Toronto. Six hours later, I was on a packed, early morning flight to Ft. Lauderdale (next to two crying babies as well) and then after an hour drive to Florida City, FL, I was sitting in a Comfort Inn, wondering how to hook their wireless internet. After careful deliberation, I figured you could not connect to their wireless, because they only had the service available for Ethernet ports. Way to be in 2003 Comfort Inn. How comforting. I am not complaining by any means about my global sojourn, as I even sat next to three Chippendale Dancers on my transatlantic flight, but it was tiring, and I was irritable. After Sushi back in Toronto, I was ready for bed… Lucky for me, some Risotto exploded in my bag so upon opening it, I was greeted with myriad grains of rice to clean up all over my transitory setting. How fun.

Now onto the cruise. After some beaurocratic difficulties – as it turns out I was never scheduled to be on the trip, somehow replaced by my father’s wife – we sorted out the paperwork problems and boarded the boat. Since then, I have been walking around, exploring the munificent surroundings and the food and drink that go along with it. For the most part, this cruise seems to be made up of affluent Jewish families and retirees. It seems like everyone is either a teenager or a pensioner. The boat is pure opulence. There are several restaurants and bars, a gym, basketball court, spa, putting green, five pools and hot tubs, shops, jeweler, hair salon and nightclub, among other ‘amenities.’ It is a hyperspace, a simulacrum of real life, a third space, plainly fucked up in my opinion. In some ways, the sheer largess nature of the cruise bother me, as I am not used to this type of crazed consumption, so in some ways my conscience is having difficulties adapting to these surroundings. On the other hand, I am as lucky as a Mormon at a chastity belt warehouse to be here (horrible pun, I know.). Yet, something is troubling. Maybe it has nothing to do with the cruise at all. I am trying, honestly trying to enjoy this, every moment, but I cannot lie to myself about these troubling metaphors that seem to be overriding my enjoyment. Maybe I am theorizing about this too much, or maybe I am just too cynical a bastard to enjoy this type of holiday. I need some time to stew, ponder, live, breathe and sweat out this cruise. It is called the Coral Princess, and often coral requires more than a simple glance before its inherent beauty unfurls. Regardless, I will keep updating this throughout the trip, and maybe I can grow to make sense out of this experience, and why a floating town with no poor people is such an enchanting holiday experience for so many people. Now, however, I am going to search for a supposed wifi connection that I have been tipped off to, and with a scotch by my side, hopefully publish this entry and do some more work whilst I am at it. Merry Christmas.

December 23rd, 2006 – Day Two

I have not had dinner yet. There was this max exodus to the dining room around 6PM, making a reservation impossible. Therefore, I have postponed my luxurious dining excursion for a few hours so I could come and update this. Two days in, and I am still extraordinarily troubled by the metaphors and themes embedded in this cruising experience. Last night I decided to venture towards the hot tub at 1AM for a soak, lucky me, and upon arrival I met two Americans and one Canadian, all on the cruise for varying reasons. After some small talk, we followed one of the members party which grew considerably when she noticed a contingent of cousins was still up into the dining hall where everyone but myself proceeded to pig out on burgers and chips until 2:30AM, where drunken and tired, we resided to our respective rooms. I was sober, however, and one of the people that joined us was a Psychiatry PhD student from Chicago named Shayna. She was quite intelligent and accompanied by her brother, who I think was drunk, but who knows. After finding an open area, we began talking around our respective courses, where she and I began an intense debate concerning the validity of my chosen doctoral choice, as she believes Cultural Analysis only points out the negatives in society, wherein there are plenty of positives that are being ignored. Her valid argument, although I disagree, got me thinking. Firstly, I believe simply dichotomizing my discipline into polarities does nothing for the work we do in the grey areas of life, but upon unveiling my thesis topic to her, she began to lambaste its validity in terms of whether I am actually going to be making a difference, or simply stating negatives – being a negative Nancy as my friend Zach would say, via South Park. Anywho, our argument got heated and ended in a stalemate, as I see Psychiatry as being very essentialist, where things are paraded off as either being useful or useless, without any mentioning of why, how and the structures and discursive codes that abet such labeling. An insane person is deemed useless, for example, even though he or she may be wildly intelligent. In addition, Africa would be seen as useless, while Iraq useful. I cannot accept such discernment.

However, our debate was encouraging, as it is making me question myself even more, a theme that has been permeating my internalities for quite some time, as it should be with everyone. I always wonder if what I am doing is making a concrete difference in life, helping people in laments terms rather than just helping myself. Shayna stated that a certain level of narcissism is normal, even though I see that as a modernist, Caucasian western construct, but regardless, it is valid. Yet, studying airports and living my privileged life is narcissistic, even though I recycle, am a staunch defender of human rights and free speech and try and save the environment. Is recording music, writing about bands and studying esoterica useful? Probably, or in my opinion, definitely. Is it externally useful? I am not sure. I have been discussing this unanswerable, almost paradoxical quandary with one of my closest friends lately, and we are both stalemated. She wants to change her life; I just want to refocus mine. I love what I do, I love whom I do it with, and I just want to improve who benefits from it, basically.

Yet, sitting here in the ‘library’ on the cruise and writing this is unabashedly hypocritical. I am in a nonspace built on excess. A largess, troubling sphere of western ignorance for the sake of a weeklong vacation, a place that ignores its social responsibility for the sake of a good time. I am in, literally in, the acme of narcissism. Furthermore, my only contact to the outside world other than the endless polluted water circumnavigating the boat is CNN and a world I tried to escape years ago and have been dragged back in; the world of privilege for the sake of privilege, blissful ignorance and classicized demarcations of self and narcissism.

Currently I am listening to Trail of Deed’s “Wasted State of Mind” off Worlds Apart, coincidentally, and the song and album title are resonating with me in a piercingly violent way. I have done the equivalent of nothing in the past two days, deserved or not, and I am going to continue to do nothing until we dock in about a week back in Florida. In the meantime, shore excursions are being offered ‘to mingle with other cultures’ and an endless heap of food, alcohol and fake smiles are being broadcasted throughout the ship. Upon eavesdropping a conversation over breakfast this morning, I found out the cruise ship uses 2200 pounds of butter a week to cook all the food. Imagine if instead of cruising, we all explored our hometowns, I mean really explored, or ventured off to a neighbouring city ignored because it fails to connote exoticism. I should feel lucky – and in many ways I do – and grateful for this opportunity. My dad has done a lot of work to bring me here, and I appreciate it. I just cannot help thinking this place troubles me, like being in a permanent airport departure lounge drenched in the salacity of Las Vegas and some sun. Yet, there was no sunset today; it is cloudy, and I have no plans tonite, other than trying to put on the face I have been avoiding looking at in order to meet some people and hopefully, engender some sort of meaningful experience that is not entirely lubricated on whisky and dreams of smoking pot in the Netherlands Antilles, as was the topic of conversation last night.

Yet, I feel refreshed, especially as I write this. Downstairs, there are two extremely talented musicians playing Bob Marley covers on a grand piano and a steel drum – a nice variation from the usual Christmas hoopla and caroling that has spread through the ship like strept throat. Plus, the girls are pretty – albeit in a summer camp, Abercrombie and Fisch manner, but pretty regardless (the ones who look over 19 only), whilst the alcohol is cold and there is plenty of time for reflection, as you can probably estimate.

So, I guess a sort of cruising chronicles is sprouting here. I have nothing to do here but think – about myself, my loves, my faults and my future – and as a writer, throwing up on paper is my release. It beats yelling at people or eating a shitload of chocolate, which by the way, is easily accomplished on this floating carnival for rich people. Until tomorrow. Dinner waits.

December 23rd, 2006 – 10PM (after dinner)

I feel so alone on this ship. For whatever reason, this boat spews a nuclear family ethos, something I have never been privy to. Dinner was nice; fancy for the sake of being fancy with above average fair, including a soup that could easily have been misconstrued as frozen yogurt. My father taught a group of retirees bridge today, and our conversation revolved around the quality of the attendees and the theory of universal grammar, as noted by Chomsky and Pinker. It is questionable whether a universal grammar exists, as languages are fundamentally different, well core languages that is. From counting systems to historiography, a sweeping universal grammar theory is a tough bargain, but I do believe that at some point in each one of our lives, we did intrinsically embody something of that ilk.

Being on this ship, it seems all the customers have lost any dedication towards universality, any link with others outside of their culture, any culturally universal grammar. I know this is a bit of a stretch. So, I have retired to the library once again, and after fumbling aimlessly on Photoshop for a few minutes, have resorted back to this journal of sorts, wondering if this makeshift book I am writing at sea will ever be published. There are some intensely personal elements in here, stuff I may decide to censor, and maybe this is too much, too much revealing, for a blog. Uncensored, unabashed shainhouse, essentially. How crap is that? I would not read it.

December 25th, 2006 – Merry Christmas

I keep thinking how much can change in a year. For me, my life has ultimately been turned on its head, shaken around and presented as something completely different. Enough about that, however, as that is not the reason I am sitting here on this cruise ship writing, instead of drinking my face off and hitting on someone. I did not update yesterday. That is because of the day before yesterday, December 23rd, and what occurred after I packed up my Mac when I finished writing the above entry. I was listening to Strangefolk today and their 1994 album “Lore,” where on one of the songs the lyrics state “I hope last night doesn’t wake up this morning, and tell tomorrow what I have done,” or something like that. Anywho, that night, two nights ago, slightly altered my perspective on the cruise, as for the umpteenth time, the social theory that states that it is more important who you’re with than where you are controlled the night. I certainly hope last night does not tell tomorrow what I did.

In a roundabout way, I met a girl whom I was once her camp counselor, and subsequently her family and friends, ten people strong. The night consisted of us – the legal ones – spending much of our time at the ‘nightclub’ dancing to crappy top 40 music whilst chatting up various employees of the ship, including a dancer, two spa workers and my Dad’s boss. It was a fun night, but I had too much to drink, ultimately showering the next day in hunger pangs, but these pangs did not cry for food; instead, they cried for normalcy, something my recovering body refused to grant.

So yesterday, I lounged around, went to the hot tub and pretended to read. And this is me NOT complaining. It was a lovely day, but one that saw me conk out at 9PM after watching some American football of all things on TV. I thought dinner would free me from feeling like crap, but nothing worked. I did get a reasonable amount of sleep, something that has become a problem on the boat.

The cruise shakes; all the fucking time. The folks working on this floating classicized orgasm do not notice it, but my stomach does. It is sensitive. Very sensitive. Therefore, I have been perpetually nauseous on the cruise, and yesterday illuminated that perfectly. Plus, it was formal night – something I obviously did not participate in. Formal night, what unmitigated bullshit – and I had to be up at 7AM for the port call. So sleep it was.

Today we visited St. Thomas, albeit in haste. St. Thomas is one of the U.S. Virgin Islands, and its capitol, Charlotte-Amelia, houses about 56,000 people. The first half of the day consisted of a pre-planned tour, something that was booked for me, which consisted of a boat ride to an adjacent island for some mountain biking and beaching. The tour was nice. Ten of us ventured off to Water Island, home to a whopping 106 people. A woman from Detroit who permanently lives on the island was our guide, and her husband rode down with us on the mountain bikes. The trail was bumpy, but enjoyable. I have a neat blister on my thumb. After the 5.5 bike ride, we rode down to their beach, which happens to be manmade. The island has an interesting history, filled with all sorts of hoopla revolving around a man from New York who purchased much of it after WWII and built a hotel and resort on it, as well as homes for friends and family. The island was a WWII bunker site that was never used – it never got finished before 1945 – and the state department sold it to this dude, 4000 hectares of it, in 1946. He then dredged a beach and built up the island, until a hurricane removed much of the success in the 1970s. Since, the island has diminished slightly from its past glory, despite its proud citizens and their dedication to the island way of life, all hundred of them. Yet, all water and gas is imported. For example, despite them having a fire station, a fire fighter has never graced it. They can’t institute a volunteer fire department because of union laws in St. Thomas, and the government cannot afford to hire one full time for the island. Plus, potable water is caught in tanks from rain and blackouts are frequent. It’s a way of life for some, but not for me. The beach, called Millennium Beach and accessible by water taxi, was quiescent, in an almost stoic manner. It truly could resemble paradise, if Corona adverts define it. There happened to be a wedding the night before on the beach, so leftover fruit and drinks were brought out as we lounged. After three hours of bike and beach, we boarded the water taxi back to St. Thomas.

After lunch, I explored St. Thomas. It is a bit of a shit hole, with nice weather. I decided to find my own way around at first – bad idea. I ended up in some slum, surrounded by chickens and barbed wire, with locals consistently approaching me offering up myriad drugs as well as begging for change. The first thing that gleaned over the first hill I climbed was a strip mall – with a KFC, Dominos, Subway and Scotiabank inside. How wonderful.

I scraped back down the hill to the port, hot as a yak in heat and caught a taxi towards downtown, which consists of a small crowd of streets ultimately overrun by jewelry merchants. Dozens and dozens of jewelers. My mother – who has been here – would have had another field day. I was unimpressed, especially because everything else was closed on Christmas. Therefore, after meeting my father in town, we hiked up another hill to find a synagogue founded in 1796, and after finding it closed, we snaked back down a steady slope of hills towards the downtown core, passing some colourful local shops and folks in the process. Yet, the whole town is strewn with trash. Everywhere, piles of beer bottles and fast food wrappers dot the corners, as if the inhabitants have a physical aversion to tossing something in the bin. The smell reflected the landscape, and I felt like I was in a barrio, or some part of the developing world. This was not a wealthy place, this was a Caribbean Detroit.

I did, however, sample some Bermudan Ginger Beer – fantastic by the way – and met a couple locals, who seemed proud of their little rock, which to me is slowly turning into another landfill. It could be gorgeous; the culture is lively, the people were wonderful and the town’s architecture reminded me of Northern Portugal, but the trash was too much to bare. It was pervasive. After a long day, we made our way back to port and boarded the ship. Since, I have napped, hot-tubbed, ate and lounged. I am one lucky duck.

While the metaphors of cruising still bother me, I am adjusting to this lifestyle and vacation and enjoying myself more. Regardless, I do not think this whole cruising thing is for me. More on that later. Merry Christmas.


Wednesday, December 27, 2006:

Cruises are interesting entities. I only have about fifty minutes left on my battery, so here goes some explanation from the last few days. I did not update yesterday, as it was another port day, in Sint Maarten. Sint Maarten is the smallest landmass divided by two countries, the Netherlands and France. Phillipsburg in the capitol of the Dutch side and Marigot the French side, and the total population is about 56,000. All is peaceful, as the only divided is a sign. No one speaks Dutch, as French is the main language in addition to English, as the country has a sordid past with slavery and plantations, mostly with British and American ownership. From first impression, Sint Maarten is much lovelier than St. Thomas, as it is cleaner, fresher and hillier. To begin the day, I went sea kayaking with my father to an aquatic habitat unlike any other in the world, where mangrove trees protect an endangered shallow sea area from hurricanes (normal for the island), allowing jellyfish, sea cucumbers and coral to flourish. The colour of these jellyfish was amazing; hues of white and blue, somewhat iridescent but bursting with an innate fervor of life, and tame enough to pick up, albeit properly. We floated around the mangrove trees for a while – a very important plant by the way because its think branches protect from mudslides overflowing the reef – and then kayaked to a beach within a yacht port. While the yachts were abominably huge, too huge for me, the beach was lovely; white sand, virtually empty minus a few topless sunbathers and warm. The water was nearly eighty degrees and completely clear, so you could see the small coral communities flourishing below. The island has been in a constant fight with hurricanes, so there was lots of reconstruction throughout the beach community, but the area was pleasant – quiet, clean, serene, the Caribbean. We kayaked back, a distance of nearly two miles that to be honest, I did not enjoy, engendering a few nasty blisters along the way; but in retrospect, it was worthwhile. My thumbs are both cut up to shit right now, however.

After enjoying a few complimentary Caribbean lagers to reward us for the lengthy paddle, we boarded a bus back to the cruise, stopping at a sort of a duty free along the way that allowed us to sample guava berry rum, a delicacy on the island. I’ve decided I like guava berry rum. It is another one of those island drinks that can be chugged with knowledge that it is furiously alcoholic. The Vanilla rum, with flecks of Vanilla bean squirming inside, was also great. I like rum.

Furthermore, the rest of day was spent walking around Phillipsburg, a nice beach town that has little litter, lots of tourist shops and cheap beer – which you can drink anywhere because you are technically in Holland – along with some new friends, a few crew members I met kayaking. We got back to the boat at 4:30PM and sailed away.

The crew leads interesting lives. I keep thinking of the Futurama episodes that feature the sewer mutants, and that would create an image of how the crew lives. They have their own city, literal city, on the bottom deck of the boat away from the passengers. It includes a crew mess, or dining hall for those nautical colloquialism challenged, a bar, a dance hall, medic office, lounges, a ping-pong table, and all the nasty stuff passengers do not see, like garbage and toilet disposal, composting and kitchen facitlities. My friends work with small children, and they got off manning the ‘fun zone’ at 10PM and we proceeded to go to a crew BBQ, which was held on a hidden deck at the front of the boat, away from the passengers. Some people spend years on a boat, or at least six months at a time, and the life that is created in this little city, from social politics to sex, amenities and interpersonal requirements, is thought provoking. They literally live in hiding, away from the passengers, burdened with rules like when to eat and where and how to look and so on, but yet, their life is as exciting and creative as any passengers, maybe more so. Forty-six minutes on my battery. I am going to go plug in my computer.

(plugged in) The life of the crew fascinated me. I ate in the crew mess today for lunch with my friends, as they are served the leftovers from the main dining hall buffet service that the passengers eat, yet with no frills, no service and no smile. It is extremely blue collar, almost collectively stoic, and unruly perplexing. Tales of sex, divorce, inebriation, hating work, the whole cat and caboodle overshadowed our conversation, as if we weren’t floating in the middle of the ocean on a traveling barge turned salacious city. Life is life, as if I would be sitting at the Soundgarden bitching about school, but instead, our surroundings were completely different. It did not matter, though. Stories of further trips, Alaska, Panama, Hong Kong and beyond were verbally thrown around like meal selections, almost pervasively commandeering the conversation. I could not feel how constrained they were in one way, almost to the point where they could be qualified as well paid servants, and how free they were in another way. It is another ultimate paradox. A swirling theoretical conundrum, all packaged in the basement of a giant boat. I am so lucky for being considered crew and being exposed to the real lives that make this one gigantic fake life float. A new discovery, indeed.

After meeting them at the BBQ, we went to the passenger’s bar, Explorers, and danced and drank until 4AM. It was truly a treat, a convergence of peasant and prince, pauper and priest, to the tune of Skee-Lo’s “I Wish I Was a Baller.”

I am convincingly tired this morning. In retrospect I mean, as its nearly seven o’clock. Right now it is Wednesday night, and we are due to get off the boat Friday at 7AM, with a flight scheduled back to Canada at 11:30AM. I am ready to get off the boat. I do not think I mesh with the transcribed culture enthusiastically pumped into the clientele on cruise ships. The sheer excess, unethical at times, is nauseating. The free hooch has been lovely, especially because most of it has been Scotch – I am drinking a Rob Roy at the moment – but the constant stream of food, entertainment, distraction and nothingness is souring. While there are limitless activities available, I feel bored, almost trapped in a way. I sat in a hot tub today with a few makeshift cruise friends and watched them dive off the hot tub into an adjacent pool directly below, despite a sign adorning the area instructing them not to dive. An ensuing older lady emerged, pissed off at the disrespect, and proceeded to call security on my immature friends, creating a situation better for a National Lampoon movie than anything else. This little situation is a perfect metaphor for the cruise thus far. Nothing is consistently ordinary, in the middle, ‘normal.’ Everything sways to the side of excess, from the dessert selection to the harassment of youth for jumping into a pool. Everything is figuratively overboard, something Heidegger would construe as a distraction that has enveloped life itself, almost so that life on the cruise equals distraction, synonymously. I feel distracted. I have gotten very little work done, and reading Foucault has become nearly impossible.

Yet, I guess that is what cruising, or vacationing is all about. Our daily lives are so bad that we must escape them at all cost, get suntanned, drunk and leach off culture we know nothing about, whilst feeding our consumptionist ethic on prime rib and strawberry shortcake. With me, the day-to-day is not that bad. I love my life, barring its problems, so to me, this is not a vacation; this is more of a discomfort. I feel horribly cynical, critical and downright rude writing this, as I am lucky to be able to partake in this, but I believe that this prescribed luck is culturally crafted because cruises are seen as luxurious, rich and opulent. To be honest, my favourite moment thus far was in the crew quarters, because it was the moment that reminded me of whom I am, not what I desire to be because society delineates as such. I do not need cruising, excess, libratory consumption, stuffing of the proverbial face and touristing; I love the scotch, beer, some of the conversation (I have met some wonderful people, whilst also sharing conversation with people I do not get, or do not get me) and the weather. But I feel like the conscious cost of enjoying this is not worth the 24hour buffet. I would rather work on a cruise, see life as it is, not what it wants to be, and sail the fair seas with equals, rather than classicists. I am not saying everyone on the boat is driven by money, as generalizations are rife with discriminatory assumptions, but I have met a few folks who simply make my head spin. That is for another discussion however.

So tonight much of the same is planned. My father and I will eat in the communal buffet, rather than booking into the fancy dining hall, as we do not have the formal attire to partake, nor would I want to, as I always feel self-conscious in formal situations. Ironically, another formal night has been declared, as I have already seen one too-many bowties. Plans are to meet a transitory buddy at Explorers at 10:30PM and see what happens, which in cruise-lingo translates to getting drunk and hitting on girls, two things I am not particularly interested in. I know who I want and she is not here unfortunately, and I don’t want to get drunk, unless its with her. She remains a pronoun for blog sake, but she knows who she is.

On a wonderful note to end this entry, I have seen two of the most fantastic rainbows I have ever witnessed, one on a rainy day at sea and one above Sint Maarten as we were departing. Furthermore, I have seen some of the magnificent sunsets and stars as well. Lying on the deck at the crew BBQ yesterday was mesmerizing. I felt insignificant – once again – as my entire being ebbed and flowed around the natural puzzles forming in the sky. Tonite, a similar ethos will prevail, as I plan to venture outside and spend sometime alone talking to the stars, in hopes that someone may be up there, listening to my cynical wails and sarcastic shrieks. Here’s hoping. Lastly, RIP James Brown. Here’s to you, one of the biggest musical influences I have been lucky enough to discover. You’re the man, and always will be. Expect one final entry tomorrow and then I’ll upload the whole shebang after landing in Canada.

Moving Completed Ahoy!

While I still have a bunch of crap on the floor waiting to be stuffed into a bag for Canada, I have completed my move in Amsterdam. It took three trips (2KM each) on a bike for everything, which isn't bad. I have still accumulated a whole mess of crap here I've realized, including books, CDs, an ironing board of all things and other doodads.

I leave for North America tomorrow morning. I'm flying to Chicago and then to Toronto tomorrow, and then off to Ft. Lauderdale the next day. Then I'm on 'vacation' for a week. I even put a vacation responder on my e-mail, so I will really be away.

In the meantime, please visit www.shainhouse.com/kaesun.zip and download "Soliloquy" if you haven't and come see us in January. We're playing in your town hopefully. Check out our MYSPACE for the tourdates. Other than that, I hope to see any Canadian that is reading this blog, and to my lovely non-Canadian friends, see you in the New Year.

Happy Holidays!!!

Geneva,

I am back from Geneva, and I refused to check my e-mail when I was 'on vacation,' so here go begins some sort of makeshift 'round-up' of the festivities in a gorgeous, yet wildly expensive city. I'll stop putting 'quotation marks' on everything and get to it.

I landed on THR at 4PM, knowing full well my friends would have to go to work the next day. My friend Meghan lives in a flat with three of her coworkers in Plain Palais, a nice student neighbourhood that has a propensity for circuses, so her flat is aptly titled 'the circus.' It's a nice pun, as the organization she works for that put her up, Franciscans International, has owned the flat for years so the moniker has apparently been earned. There was a circus across the street the entire time I stayed also, even though we never made it there, except to buy a baguette of all things from a carney because that was the only way to get one on Sunday.

Geneva is lovely. All swiss cities are lovely. Geneva is small and loops around Lake Geneva, which provides a beautiful waterfront that is fun to walk around and plenty of boutique shops. Plus, everyone is rich, so much of the city is structured in a wealthy, French way. Big, ornate buildings, gorgeous balconies and plenty of flowers. This time around, it was Christmas trees that took precedent, but regardless, the flora was all over.

THR was spent getting to know her roomates and drinking at a neighbourhood bar. The beer they have there on tap is really good, called Feldschlossen. I remember drinking it in Basel... it may have contributed to the German Smooching Story, but that's another blog entry. Anywho, we had dinner at a Thai Place, relaxed and chilled as they were to go to work the next day.

After walking and walking and walking around both the gorgeous and not-so-gorgeous parts of Geneva the next day, one of the roomate's boyfriends and I decided to head up towards their work, where most of the UN's NGO's live and surprise them. Two of them could leave with us (Meaghan and Caroline) and we went grocery shopping and made dinner. After dinner, more inebriates took hold of our languid bodies (me from walking, them from working) and we pretty much just went to sleep, unless I am forgetting something. I remember drinking enough before leaving the flat to lubricate me from the impending cold.

Saturday Meaghan took me around Geneva, and I explored the Old Town, sampled some fantastic Olive Oil, walked and walked and walked, ate Quiche and ended up in Globus, which is a Pusateri's for even richer people with FREE SAMPLES. We spent over an hour sampling brandy, apple ice cider, champagne, chocolate (oh the chocolate) and others before we ran into my friend Nat and headed back. After Globus, my other friend Eamon invited us for dinner, and the rest of the night is much of a blur. He cooked mexican food and had tons of Vodka, as well some new friends of his from Geneva. After dinner, we went to a Geneva Squat Bar, a weird place open after 2AM with 3 franc beers and odd people. Let's just say it was an experience.. of some kind. Eamon's balcony has a lovely view of the lake and the waterjet (a big shooting jet of water in the lake that is a sort of tourist trap), provided the perfect backdrop for a dinner party. It was all I could ask for. Thanks dude.

On Sunday we woke up late and I made brunch for everyone. It consisted of a veggie and brie quiche with potato topping and grilled sausages for the meat eaters... Plus plenty of bread and hummos. After brunch with Meaghan, her roomates Caroline and Melissa and Melissa's boyfriend Gavin, we went to the Carouge Christmas Market, which is a sort of German-themed craft market with mulled wine, Grogg (hot wine and vodka) and crafts. It was packed, as it was the only thing open, but I met up with Nat again which was nice. She and I did multimedia together so we have that kinship only us crazy mmedia folks can have... After crafts and tea (coffee for me), we went back to the flat and waited for Eamon to show up before heading out for a pint... After the pint, we came home to find Nat and Farhad's lovely girlfriend Nikki cooking us dinner, which was fantastic.. More beers followed and now I am back in Amsterdam, pooped and sad because I've returned to real life.

Quick Notes:
1. Switzerland is EXPENSIVE. Beware when you go. The girls stopped caring, as they knew it was a rich country.
2. I bought a shitload of chocolate.. Non-denominational holiday gifts for all.
3. Swiss Vodka is better than any other Vodka. You can drink it straight.


I am going back to North America on WED. How crazy. Where did the time go. wow.

Moving Day...

I did something today I thought I would never do. I moved house on a bike. Just me, and a bike.. one large duffel bag, one big box, a printer, knick-knacks, three knapsacks and 3 drums, on a bike. It wasn't an ordinary bike, however, it was a Bakfiets, a common bike in Amsterdam, but something that is so uniquely Amsterdam, uniquely Dutch, I feel like I have assimilated just that much more. Ook mijn nederlands sprecken nog ga ercht beter so I can really dive into this culture. I know my friend Renee will read this and point out the grammatical errors in the above, but I tried. Anywho, I biked a total of 15km today, as I had to make two trips (3km each) for a total of 12, plus hustle down to class and back home. It totals about 15km. My calves feel like steel and to be honest, I've never been in better shape in my life. I'm actually feeling somewhat self-confident about myself, as no more does running 40 metres wind me out. Now I can run at least a kilometre or two before I need a break. A picture of my moving vehicle is below. I'm going to Switzerland tomorrow to see my friend's Meghan, Farhad, Eamon, Nikki and Nat. Back on Monday and I'll update this along the way. Love ya.

Two Updates in One Day...


I just hope people read this and realize that Iraq and the Middle East are not the be all and end all of the problems in the world... Really, they are nothing compared to this:

NY Times Article

I feel horrible and helpless.

Paradoxes,

Life is one big paradox... All we try to do throughout life is try to even out these polarities as best we can, to achieve some sort of equilibrium. Some days these paradoxes unveil themselves beautifully, but others they are more transparent. Today has been one of those days... Thinking, thinking, thinking.. Switzerland in two days.

Here's an article I just published on Two Gallants. It's about race.

Two Gallants and Cold War Kids - 11.18 - JamBase

Case of the Mondays...

It's quite gloomy today. I woke up and it was raining, and it is still raining. The only difference is, it's 4:00PM now and quite dark outside. I am going out for dinner tonite so I will have to brave the rain once more on my bike; something I am excited about, lemme tell you.

I leave for Switzerland on THR, move a week today and then leave for 6 weeks to the Caribbean and Canada a week tomorrow, on DEC 20. Things are winding down in a way, and winding up in others. I sense an interested 2007 ahead, one that I pray is better than 2006. This was a rough year.

Definitely a day laced with pathetic fallacies. The weather is king.. Besides, I get all the news I need from it.

Writing...

I jut started work with a new magazine, Pop Matters. They are quite well respected in North America, and I'm looking forward to adding more global coverage to the site. Here is the second piece I wrote for them. Hope you enjoy.

Kelly Joe Phelps and Sarah Harmer - 11.23 - Amsterdam, NL

Howdy,

I'm tired. Absolutely knackered. shattered. all the above. I haven't seen the sun in over a week, and I've been told it doesn't grace Amsterdam until May. How fantastic. This is no medium to rant in, so I won't rant. I'm just pooped.

Living three separate lives is exhausting, but I guess at 23, its sorta the time to do it. I want to focus on one, but I don't know which one yet, so soldiering on I go. I get a break in a little over a week, with a jaunt down to Switzerland to see some friends. That will be nice.

So over the weekend, I met a crazy dude with my friend Farhad. I'm going to try and explain him, but it's one of those 'you had to see this man in person' people. He just sat next to us at Bagels and Beans on the Kinkerstraat in Amsterdam, and proceeded to wield off wikipedia-esque bullshit like it was a white house press conference. Here's a short list of what this mastermind told me.

1. John Lennon is from Hamburg and still alive.
2. His sister is from Dusseldorf
3. You can make the following from pine cones; tobacco, pot, hash, beer, cigars and peanut butter.
4. He built sets for Budweiser at the Montreal Jazz Fest.
5. He worked for 20 years in Paris as a glass blower.
6. My friend Halliday should change her name for fears of getting kidnapped by people looking for a holiday.
7. The owner of the Hilton chain has black hair and isn't named Hilton
8. Fats Domino played in a forest called Brabant in Holland and he had sex with his wife while it was happening.
9. I look like a pianist.
10. He once saw a movie in Ohio at a theatre modeled after one in Amsterdam. He took the 'flybus' to get there. (my friend Nikki from Cincinnati sparked this one)
11. He knew John Lennon 40 years ago in Germany (this one could be true)
12. There is some sort of correlation between the way a pine cone grows and the way a pineapple grows. (he had two pine cones in his pocket. God know where he got them in Amsterdam, a city bereft of Pine trees)
13. He does not drink, but he smokes and enjoys a fine smoke-gar.

I'm sure there was more. It was great. Puts a smile on my face thinking about it. I'm still pooped. Back to the essay. HAPPY SINTERKLAAS.

Oh, yesterday my friend Jared said at his canteen at the Conservatory van Amsterdam, the lunchlady's were serving them in Blackface to celebrate Sinterklaas. What a magical holiday.

Here's pics of Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piete, cause the sun is out for four minutes and I'm in the holiday spirit.

KAE SUN NEWS!

Tourdates

THR, Jan 11 - The Red Dog, Peterborough, ON
w/ The Jimmy Swift Band

FRI, Jan 12 - The Main Hall, Montreal, QC
w/ Fredyv and Black Soil and What The Thunder Said

WED, Jan 17 - Third Floor Reilly's, Toronto, ON
w/ Shad K and What The Thunder Said

THR, Jan 18 - The Pepper Jack Cafe, Hamilton, ON
w/ The Jimmy Swift Band

FRI, Jan 19 - Vinyl, Guelph, ON
w/ The Jimmy Swift Band

SAT, Jan 20 - TBA, Windsor, ON
w/ What The Thunder Said

BIO:

Fresh off winning the Hamilton Music Award for Hip-Hop Recording of the Year, Kae Sun will be hitting the road with his band in January before returning to the studio to record a follow-up to 2006s award-winning Soliloquy.

Kae Sun is hip hop's true believer; a diverse musician with an uplifting repertoire. Whether singing or rapping, Kae Sun communicates honesty and realism through a raw, inspired and soulful vocal style coupled with progressive and politically charged lyricism. As stated in Echo Weekly, Kae Sun "abandons bling for brains, as his words both embrace and transcend the human condition." Over the past few years, in collaboration with several musicians and bands, Kae Sun has initiated a sound deeply rooted within but not restricted to the traditions of reggae, soul, funk, gospel and hip-hop music.

Soliloquy released in January 2006 under Toronto based Life Records Entertainment debuted to a sold out audience of over 300 in Hamilton. Subsequently, Soliloquy garnered heavy underground and local recognition leading to favourable press coverage, a tour of southern Ontario and heavy rotation on college radio including charting with McMaster's CFMU. Furthermore, the album garnered attention as far as Memphis, Tennessee and Amsterdam, including a request to have "Kidnapped" and "Stay Up" featured in an independent movie in Austria. "Stay Up" has also been featured on Pulse Radio in London, UK. Kae Sun has also been featured as the cover story with both Hamilton's VIEW Magazine and Kitchener/Waterloo's ECHO Weekly, and he received acclaimed press in the Hamilton Spectator, McMaster Silhouette, London Free Press, MonkeyBiz and Music in Ghana. Kae Sun has shared the stage with Jackie Richardson, DK Ibomeka, Shad K, K-os, Bob Egan of Blue Rodeo, Vanderpark and many other Canadian bands and musicians from across the genre map.

Live, Kae Sun is a force. Each stage performance, whether performing alone, with an acoustic act or full band, is a spiritual journey encompassing the best of the secular and sacred paradigms at once. Kae Sun's music is heartfelt, thoughtful, incisive and critical without being exhaustively didactic. Whether rhyming or singing, Kae Sun reminds you that while there is eternal beauty among us, there is always work to be done to make things better for everyone. A true testament of the engagingly personal culture of Western Africa, Kae Sun is the perfect blend of old and new, foreign and familiar, groove and soul. Political, spiritual, prolific, melodic and soulful, Kae Sun proves that hip-hop is flourishing without the shackles of demeaning lyricism, gangsta-intonation and negativity. Come see for yourself. Kae Sun will be supporting Below Me Music Artists The Jimmy Swift Band in Hamilton and Guelph, Shad K in Toronto and Fredyv and Black Soil in Montreal. Guelph's What The Thunder Said will be accompanying Kae Sun throughout the tour as his support band, as well as playing sets of their own.

Download Soliloquy for FREE at www.shainhouse.com/kaesun.zip
Website: www.kaesunmusic.com
Myspace: www.myspace.com/kaesun
Sonicbids: www.sonicbids.com/kaesun
TagWorld: www.tagworld.com/kaesunmusic
Blog: www.kaesunmusic.blogspot.com
PureVolume: www.purevolume.com/kaesun

Press Quotes:

..While combining traditional African rhythms, the characteristic boom bap sound of hip hop, and spirit cleansing soul, Kae comments on social issues and provides a much needed dose of spiritual emancipation. He abandons bling for brains, and his words both embrace and transcend the human condition... -Denise de la Frenier .. Echo Weekly

..Soulful, socially conscious Canadian hip-hop has a new name to champion. And since K-os and K..Naan have proven the success of the letter K, it won..t be too difficult to embrace Kae Sun .. especially since he sounds so good... .. Lori Mastronardi, London Free Press.

..His new album, Soliloquy, also lives in two worlds, so to speak, combining the rhythms of hip-hop with live instrumentation. The songs combine the western and the African, the gospel and the secular, the social and the spiritual... .. James Tennant, Hamilton Spectator

..Lyrically and musically, Kae Sun's expression is for the most part competent and cosmopolitan, melodic and mature, and even at times as inspiring as it is inspired, casting aside the boasting that permeates pop hip hop and delving into his own musical roots from the classics... - Ric Taylor, View Magazine, Hamilton

Procrastination,

By writing this blog entry, I am procrastinating. I have been doing so all day, despite the betterment of the situation. If I did my work, then I could party; but I party, instead of doing my work. And the circle, goes round and round. I've yet to paint a pony either.

It's getting colder, which is good because the colder it gets, the less I feel like the world is going to hell. Warmth, especially on December 1st, is not a good sign. Yet, the way we seem to be continuing along in our way of life, hope is facetious. It has just been that kind of day, it seems.

This weekend is reserved for work, and I truly believe I can feel accomplished - a rarity in my life - by Sunday night. I promised to reward myself with drinks on Sunday, but I'm sipping some Belgian ale as we speak, so I'm a bit of a cheater. Aren't we all?

more later.

What a day,

It didn't start out eventful, but I really had an interesting finish to the work day. After some meetings and class, I went back to my friends' for lunch and some studying. Following that., my friend Renee and I were biking home, and we kept getting cut off by a Volvo on a canal road. Canal Roads, like Prinscengracht, Keizersgracht etc. that ring around Amsterdam are narrow, and if a car is meandering through them, bikes can't get past. We were baffled why this car kept stopping and starting - it almost even stopped on a tee and I was two feet from smacking into the back of this car (don't worry mom, I'm fine). So we went around the car finally on the sidewalk, and we found out why this car was driving so erratically.

In the car was SINTERKLAAS and ZWARTE PIETE. For the uneducated, Sinterklaas is a religious, Dutch version of Santa Claus who represents a different holiday altogether, Sinterklaas on Dec 5. There is only one Sinterklass; the same man plays him every year, and there he was, waving to us in the car, staff in hand and sidekick, Zwarte Piete (Black Pete) beside him. It's a rarity to ever see Sinterklaas live, and Renee and I almost got run over my him. I'm still laughing. Even Zwarte Piete was all decked out in blackface (google it if you are curious) and big hoop earrings. It was surreal. We couldn't stop laughing in amazement as we biked past the Volvo. So there you have it Dutch kids, Sinterklaas doesn't ride a white horse, he drives a Volvo.

After criss-crossing through rush hour and taking the usual route home, I biked over a broken bottle and a piece of glass, about 1cm thick got lodged in my front tire, flattening it. I ended up walking home - about 2 miles - and dropped the bike off at the shop. It needed oil anyways.

There you have it. Happy Sinterklaas,

Tot Ziens!

Meneer Shain Shapiro

Sweet Adeline...

I love Phish. I hadn't listened to them in a while and after 15 minutes into "David Bowie," I am hooked again. They remain the best band ever. hands down. The Beatles are up there too.

Okay, I realized something yesterday after my program. Throughout our four year journey into undergraduate academic trancendence, we are just climbing up a mountain - and at the top of the mountain is a great wall. Once you graduate, you have reached the wall, but have yet to scale it. This Cultural Analysis program is pretty much just us flinging ourselves at the wall consistently, bruising our shoulders and frustrating our minds. We seem to keep trying to find a way to scale it, theorize the right way to get over the wall, but every time we try, it fortifies itself and becomes that much more impenetrable. Then, once we graduate and move onto PhD work, we don't climb over the wall, we just become the wall.

So here I am, drowning in essays, trying to become a small brick on a wall that no one has ever climbed over. It makes me feel like I may be that missing piece that meets the Big O, or that the big O is doomed to never finding that missing piece, because it never existed in the first place.

I'm off to read. love you.

Saturday,

What a lazy day. All I've done is written a paper, poorly I might add, and now Im exhausted. I'm thinking I'm going to go out for dinner for once, as I never, almost never do that. Yesterday, in a a rare with being a normal person, I went to Wagamama with my friend Gail and her sister and it was lovely. People actually eat out; who da thunk it?

Turns out I am moving. Not right now, but in January. I love my flat (and those who have been here can attest); it was amazing. It's just a bit too expensive for me right now, and I need to downsize. Turns out the first place I look at is perfect. Big, sunny, a great neighbourhood despite being a little further south - meaning out of town - then where I am, and my roomate/landlord seems to be lovely as well. I'm going to accept the deal next week and pack before I head off to Switzerland.

Now I have to find someone to rent this room by Jan 1. Drew up an ad today and will have it posted next week, so hopefully we'll get someone relatively normal, as Alex deserves someone as fantastic as me! Just kidding. Better than me I hope. No new news other than that. Tour promotion starts next week. fun fun fun.

my 100th post!

It'll be short. Here's a review of a Cat Power show in Amsterdam on 11.3

Hope You Enjoy It - Click Here.

-Love Ya

More immigration woes...

Looks like I'm back to square one mississauga with my immigration paperwork, as my residence permit was rejected because of an oversight and a typo. My Uni is helping me with another application, which will be accepted because it going directly through them. 5 months now and I'm still in limbo. I hate limbo-ing; don't have the knees for it.

Other than that, it's rain rain rain and work work work. Have lofty aspirations for tonight, and this is the last thing I'm doing that isn't academic before I buckle down and giv'r. Went to the market today and saw two litres of mustard for 1 euro. I was curious. Very curious. I didn't buy it.

Listening to Sufjan Stevens and John Coltrane tonite. Should be relaxing. Oh, and I'm playing a show tomorrow at Bitterzoet in Amsterdam with my friends, The Show, from Toronto. They are here because of the Cannabis Cup, and I'm sitting in on percussion. At least methinks that is what is happening. Come one, come all. No cover.

Lazy Sunday;

Lots and lots and lots to do... little motivation to do it.. or a lot of motivation and just plain lazy. I have gotten some work done, but need to do more. It never ends. Gonna try and watch The Grey Cup tonite because I'm Canadian.

J.S. leaves tomorrow.. ce la vie.. It's been great having him around. Also, I have decided that the Netherlands needs to enact no smoking legislation, simply because I am doing way too much fucking laundry. Anytime I go anywhere, I smell like an ashtray. Ashtrays ain't sexy.

Listening to the Burt Neilson Band, feeling slightly nostalgic. I'm also just sitting on MSN, ignoring my work as per usual and waiting for the start of the week... I did get a lot done today, but not enough. fun fun fun.

Dave Matthews,

Well, I got to the ticket shop at 10AM and counted eight people ahead of me. After six of them, the show was Uitverkocht, or SOLD OUT. Gail is going to kill me.

Also, on another note, J.S. and I saw some riot police in full gear in Amsterdam a few ays ago. Fun!

Africa,

Howdy. Quick Post.

Here's a piece that I worked on for ages and have finally been published. It's about African Hip-Hop. Best-

African Hip-Hop Piece

Also, Musical Recommendation. The Slip's new album, Eisenhower is quite possibly the best album I've heard this fall. Every song is gorgeous... Ah, just for the hell of it, here is a top 12 - in no particular order - of fantastic albums released in 2006. Hit up iTunes and get these!

1. The Slip - Eisenhower
2. Guster - Ganging up on the Sun
   
3. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat
4. Pilate - Sell Control for Life's Speed
5. Patrick Watson - Weight of the World
6. Islands - Return to the Sea
7. K'Naan - The Dusty Foot Philsopher
8. Sigur Ros - TAKK
9. Magic Numbers - Those The Brokes
10. Two Gallants - What The Toll Tells
11. My Brightest Diamond - Bring me the Workhorse
12. (bonus) - Hidden Cameras - Awoo

Howdy;

For some reason, I can't get the Full House theme song out of my head. But I digress...

Things are well, the same really. I am currently booking a January tour for my band, Kae Sun, which is slowly but surely coming together. Here are the cities we're playing, but nothing is 100% confirmed so I cannot divulge anything else; Ottawa, Kingston, Montreal, Toronto, Hamilton, Guelph and London. Toronto will be extremely special as Shad K will be joining us, while other special guests are almost confirmed for other dates. I'll be promoting heavily, as I always do, so keep an ear out for that and I'll see you at the shows.

School is chugging along as well; I am beginning my final semester essays and formulating my senior thesis project, which begins in the Spring. I'm also writing the odd article when I have time, controversial and not. I just interviewed Bruce Hornsby, a legend in his own right, so check that out HERE.

I've also changed the colour of my blog, just for shits and giggles. I like to keep things relatively fresh and interesting, and new colour is a great way to change without actually changing anything. Oh no, I've let you in on my secret. Expect some more 'changes' soon, hehe.

Finally, I'm quite busy with reviews, as I have Two Gallants (11.18), Sarah Harmer (11.23 - Jordan's Birthday) and Minus The Bear (11.30) coming up this month. I'm also seeing The Roots with my lovely friend Gail on 11.22, which is a week yesterday, or next Wednesday.

So life swims and flutters along... My friend J.S. is staying with me till Monday and turning my new MAC into a super-duper-ultra-mega-techno-star machine, as he is a Mac wiz. The things you can do with it are hyperbolic; amazing, awesome! He also fixed a problem with my Ipod and may have recovered all my music from my external HD. He is the wind beneath my wings.

That's all... Love ya in green.

Howdy,

I just wrote an article about Panic! at the Disco for JamBase, a website that focuses on music that almost paradoxically, by mainstream standards, differentiates from the band in question. Pushing buttons is good though, and good music is good music, so we went ahead with it. Check out the article and comments here, as I feel like the Danish newspaper after they published cartoons of Muhammed. Alright, not that bad. Here's the piece.

Other than that, I learned how to moderate comments today and saw that I had a bunch. Wow, I can be an idiot sometimes. I'll respond to them now.

"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all" - Futurama

How True. I realize this more and more...

Rememberance Day...

RIP Alli, Stan, Scott, Florence, Oscar, Sam, Celia and everyone else I've lost in the last few years. Love you all.

Bedouin Soundclash and Airports...

I am sick of Airports. I have been in so many I can't even count, and I have experienced the whole gamut of services, annoyances, time-delays and such. I've decided that airports enrage me so much that I'm going to devote my thesis to exploring how airports and the culture they engender affect us, the travellers. Think about it, in airports you can get drunk at 6AM, are encouraged to buy smokes, booze and perfume, pay ghastly amounts of money for basics and have to be poked and prodded just to be given the privilege to be in them. They are unique places, places of another world, and I'm interested. My brain is ticking.

I went to Tilburg on Tuesday (southwestern NL for the geographically challenged) to see friends of mine, The Bedouin Soundclash. It was their first ever continental European show as part of the Vans Antidote tour with Gogol Bordello, Disco Ensemble and Danko Jones, and even though they are huge in the UK, no one knows them in Europe. Ended up hanging out with them all day, had a blast and then endured a three stopover, 3 hour train-ride at 1AM back from Tilburg to Amsterdam. They only have 'local' trains that late, and Amsterdam Centraal was 14 stops from Rotterdam, which was 8 stops from Den Bosch, which was 4 stops from Tilburg. Tilburg is quite pretty though; like a tiny Amsterdam without all the problems.

So now I am sitting in the computer lab at school waiting for a friend to get off of work. I've gone out every night this week, despite my lack of funds and un-lack of work, and tonight is the same. I've yet to see Borat, so tomorrow I may give him a watch at home and relax. I have a massive presentation on Susan Sontag due Monday, so that's my weekend. Yee-haw.

I'm quite proud of the Iceland piece, and I have a few more in the works for the next few weeks. I just interviewed Bruce Hornsby today and wrote an article, and have pieces on Panic at the Disco, Mala Jube and Cat Power in the pipelines. I'm also looking for more higher profile work, so if anyone knows anyone.. hehe.

Other than that, things are relatively hunky dory. I feel directed and directionless at the same time... ambitious and lazy... paradoxical. I want to do everything, but I know it's impossible. Still, things are chugging along; Kae Sun has some shows in January and I'm going to rejoin the band on stage for a few of them, and we're going to start making the new album in January. Also, logo design and company stuff is in the works, and I'm reworking all our promotional material. I'm also slowly redesigning my website, with the help of my friend Kevin, and writing the odd paper now and then.

So there you have it. comprehensive and fresh.. toodle-oo.

ICELAND AIRWAVES FESTIAL REVIEW... ON JAMBASE

That is all.

Sunday,

My camera is giving me fits with my new computer and I cannot seem to get the pictures from Prague off it right now. The new MAC is fantastic, but I do have three growing pains that need sorting out, so off to the Mac store I will go this week to see if they can't use their expertise to assuage my idiocy.

Well, Prague Prague Prague... Forgive me blog and the 4 readers who check it out for not updating while I was there, but Internet was limited and I was not there to check my e-mail. I will try below to give some sort of a synopsis of my traversing in Prague. It wasn't all that entertaining, so it shouldn't take too long.

I arrived in Prague at the airport on Monday afternoon, after a wretched experience at Schipol, which is Amsterdam's airport. Everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE was there a line, and I think I waited for atleast 3 hours just going through the motions. Fun. I met my mom at the hotel in Central Prague after meandering through their public transport system from the airport. It was lovely to see my mom after all these months, and we ended up having a lovely time.

For the most part, Prague was spent walking around. Minus a bit of sightseeing, some shopping, lots of eating, some drinking and a few other surprises, we walked, walked and walked. My mom surprised me by the amount she could walk. She's a tough cookie, lemme tell you.

Prague is gorgeous, like most medieval European cities. A main square in the old town, a great Bridge called 'Charles' Bridge' that snakes across the river, a massive castle at the top of a hill, lots of exploratory alleyways and plenty of breathtaking facades. It was overly touristic, like almost to the point where it is a caricature of itself in some ways, but beautiful regardless. We walked around the Jewish Quarter and explored the city's Jewish heritage, including venturing inside one of the oldest synagogues. We counteracted that by hitting up an amazing church that was as otentatious as Versailles. It was amazing. The effort people go into to please God. If God was an interior designer, he'd (or she'd) ask people to probably tone it down a bit, as these houses of worship were as colourful as the remnants of a Saturday night on a Leeds' sidewalk. I couldn't live in those churches/synagogues. God needs sunglasses 24/7. Beautiful regardless.

The Prague Castle is immense and built on top of a huge hill that I walked up at 9PM. There were guards outside standing still and when I went, it was quiet. My mom didn't come with me as she was usually tuckered out after dinner. Another gospelized, middle century triumph, lemme tell you.

Eating in Prague was lovely too. We tried to maximize the Czech food, and found some fantastic restaurants along the way. 'pravda' was one I distinctly remember, and I had one meal where the wine list was encyclopaedic. Also, there was a bar around the corner from our hotel that served traditional czech beer (and food) including Pilzen, Kozel and Budvar for 30 krowns (about $1.25 CDN)! I studied there everyday, lemme tell you. The beer was so cheap, after 3 or pints, studying became facetious.

One night got crazy. I went to an Irish Pub to study (stupid move) and met these two Glaswegians who were watching football. After the game and some drinks, we went to this nightclub that was four stories high, and inside was a Contiki Tour. Needless to say, the reasonably priced White Russians make the rest of the story short. It was fun. I stumbled home in the freezing cold at 5AM.

I was fucking freezing, by the way. Noticeably freezing. Oh, we also did a horse and buggie ride and walked along the river for a while. It was lovely. So there you have it. Prague. Done by Shain.

Back home to real life now. More later.

Recap...

This is not going to be nearly as long as it should be, because my last week has been quite insane, but here goes. I did write a 3000+ word review of the festival which will be up on JamBase next week, so I'll post it when it does. I'll also post links to my picture page and my friend Dominique's, so one can get a 'feel' of some sorts as to the beauty of Iceland.

Firstly, I will be back next year, if all is well. One cannot predict tomorrow, let alone next year. I met some life-long friends, had a blast and see no reason not to return. Iceland is just such a breathtakingly unique place; one that will be visited countless times in the future, if all is well.

While most of the weekend was spent seeing music and floating around Reykjavik, I did get outside the city twice; once to the famous Blue Lagoon hot spring/spa and the other to the Golden Circle, a triage of tourist spots that famously dot Reykjavik's surrounding areas. The three include the site of the world's first parliament, a geyser and a crazy-ass waterfall. Everything was larger than life.

I saw the Northern Lights as well, as I had proclaimed last week. There were so many moment I truly felt refreshed, invigorated, exceptionally creative and at the top of the world. It was cathartic. I believe somewhere in the glaciers of the country, Alli is having the time of her afterlife. She would have loved it.

Band wise, the festival was top-notch, both locally and internationally. We saw music from 5PM - 3AM straight each day, really only stopping for dinner. I was sick the entire week, and I couldn't care less. I partied till the sun came up, because that is what you do in Reykjavik on weekend. Their was still a queue at 7AM when I left a bar once. It was surreal. truly surreal.

Now I am in London, and London has been lovely. I spent a day fiddling about with my friend Shirin, saw some shows (Panic at the Disco and Shady Bard), spent some time with my brother and friends Eamon, Brady and Jerry and got a lot of work done... Meetings, Meetings, Meetings...

Now I am leading three simultaneous lives (music, writing and school - importance in reverse order with the latter two equal), busy as a beaver and generally happy. The worst summer of my life has at least pushed some karma towards a brighter fall. The weather isnt horrible either.

Dominique's Pics
My Pics

Back in London,

I need to write up a lengthy report on Iceland, but I have a lengthy report on Iceland due for JamBase ASAP, and I am no where near complete. It is extremely difficult summing up six days of debauchery in 4000 words, especially when you can't recount every single moment. One thing I do know is I met some wonderful people, had a blast and throughout this week, hope to slowly but surely update my blog in order to really provide the best recap, in as informal a manner as possible, as to what happened in Iceland. Right now it is pouring here in London, I am sitting in my brother's attic pondering the best method to write this article. I guess it's time for an intellectual purge, or whatever comes from it.

More pictures at www.shainhouse.myphotoalbum.com as well...

love ya

I love Iceland...

I saw the NORTHERN LIGHTS yesterday; it was one of the most mesmerizing moments of my life. That is all for now. God I am in love with this country and its people.

MORE PICTURES HERE!

Hangover Morning,

I didn't drink a sip last night and I feel hungover. My lips are chapped because of the cold (walked home in about -20 windchill last night), too.

Yesterday was something else. I started the day walking around Reykjavik, taking pictures. I got a bunch of lovely ones, and they are stored HERE. That link is to my photo album. Then I went to see some music, starting at the 12 Tonar Music Store for Hot Club de Paris. Then after meeting some folks and hitting up an industry show, went for a not-horribly expensive dinner and then saw a bunch of music, including Mates of State, Tilly and the Wall, Hot Club de Paris, The Klaxons and a fantastic set from Metric. Ended the night checking out Germans' The Whitest Boy Alive and back to the press-only bar for some drinks. My cold finally caught up to me at 2:30AM and home I went. Thankfully this town is so small you can walk from one end to another in 20 minutes... It sure was windy, and unfortunately there were no Northern Lights, but I have a few more tries for that.

Today is up in the air and tomorrow I'm going to the Blue Lagoon. I'm seeing Islands, Wolf Parade and som Icelandic bands tonite.

Hi,

Being sick caught up with me last night and I gave up; after dinner I went straight to bed, and now that I've slept 12 hours, I feel much better, and with medication, I'm set to attack Reykjavik today. I've decided to try and se as much of this place today as I can, and then try and meet someone who wants to rent a car with me, so I can see the countryside a bit tomorrow.

There is something about this place I love... I havent put my finger on it yet though. The sun coming up at 10AM is nice; the shower smelling like a hot spring, the country growing most of their crops organically in greenhouses, the lovely people, the fact that it is NOT that cold (it's 1 degree right now)... Apparantely the population is made up of about 2% foreigners, or 10,000 people... I could live here. I think. If I'm making kronas, then its not as expensive. Plus utilities here are super cheap. My friends pay a quarter of the electricity most european countries pay. The windows are open right now.

Metric and others tonite. I'll drug myself up and make sure I'm there.

Iceland,

I am sitting here at my friend Bjarni's apartment in Reykjavik, Iceland. I have had a hell of a long day. It started at 5AM in Amsterdam and it is still continuing, as We Are Scientists are playing tonite down the street.

I like Reykjavik. It's small. Very small. Reminds me a little bit of the arctic, maybe of what Whitehoue may look like if it was invaded by the Danish. Their flat is opposite a fjord which ends at a glacier. It's gorgeous. Here are some pictures to start...

Iceland...


Well, priorities aside, I leave for Iceland tomorrow with a bit of a sore throat and plenty of excitement. I'll update with pics and info each day hopefully, so please visit if interested :)

Also, I'll be going to see Panic! At the Disco in London on 10.24 when I return... It's gonna be an eventful week... one full of life. I wish Alli was here to enjoy it with me, but in a way, I still think she is.

Technology...

I'm listening to Belle and Sebastian right now... It's amazing how soothing and comforting they can be.

Anyway, technology has certainly been kicking me in the ass lately. Here is a quick summary of my boring life...

1. My computer broke.. so I bought a brand new MacBook. It's an investment and I love it to death.
2. My external harddrive crashed and I lost about half of my music collection. I'm heartbroken, but it's just music and I can get it back. I have to send the drive back to Maxtor in Austria or something, so that's ongoing.
3. My camera broke, so I bought another one. I had my mom send me one from Canada, but it got stolen in the post. Thank god for insurance.
4. My blender, electric razor and two adaptors also crashed and have gone the way of old yeller.
5. My ipod speakers broke. Thank god my ipod is still working. I'd be screwed without it. If I lost all that music, I'd be really hurt.

So there... technology sucks. Other than that, things are hunky dory.. Researching a bit, writing a bit, applying to some new jobs as well, or trying to... I'm leaving for Iceland on Wednesday, so I have a lot to do to prepare.

peace-

The Magic...


The Magic Numbers were amazing. Easily the best club show I've seen in some time, or at least one I can remember. I went alone, didn't drink and had a blast. It was that fantastic. First show I've paid for in a while; I'm glad it was worth the 20 euros. Go see em if you can... I'm so glad I don't have to review it, I can just relish in enjoying it for the fun of it. Magical.

Today was also a fairly good day. Felt Alli was trolling along with me for much of it. Class went by fairly quickly, had a great introductory meeting with my thesis advisor and enjoyed the sun, especially when I sat and ate lunch at the edge of a canal. I love this city sometimes... It has that 'affect.'

More trouble with immigration, however, so that is bringing me down. It should be sorted on Thursday, but who the fuck knows with this country. The more horror stories I have, the more I realize they are commonplace.

8 days till Iceland...

Hello,

I have a fairly eventful few days coming up... All music related.

Last night I saw Matt Costa at the Melkweg. I really enjoyed it and wrote a review that will end up in Relix at some point. Tonight I'm going back to the same venue for The Black Keys and Blood Meridian. The company I work for, Belmont Bookings, handles the latter, so we're going for support. Tomorrow is a day-off, even though there is a festival in Assen with Ryan Adams and others. Sunday is a big day, as The Hidden Cameras, a favourite from home play with I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness and Kelley Stoltz at the Paradiso, two other artists Belmont handles. It's a night featuring Indie music. Great line-up. While the money is tight, a last-minute show was announced from The Magic Numbers on Monday night, so I may just bite the cash bullet and go after Dutch class, as I really love the band. I may be too exhausted though, we'll see. The crazy time is closed off with Xavier Rudd and Keller Williams, back at the Melkweg on Tuesday. Mogwai is also playing on Sunday, but I can't do everything.

It's been raining a lot lately. Since I returned from Leeds on Sunday, it hasn't stopped raining. It's pouring as I type. It ain't stopping my plans, however.

more later.

Comments...

Why does no one ever leave comments? I really don't think anyone reads this anyways. Regardless, I am doing this for myself.. I'll look back one day and have a diary.

So I am sitting in the University of Leeds computer clusters, feeling a bit odd and slightly nostalgic realizing that I haven't updated my blog in a while. Without a computer, it's quite hard to get around to doing it; hopefully, I'll have a computer this week. I think I'm buying a Mac, which excites me.

Leeds is, well... Leeds. My friends are good, nothing has changed and the town is still as gritty and rough around the edges as ever. I still like it here though. I'm really enjoying rekindling with my friends, drinking heavily and going back to the old haunts. I don't see myself coming back here much; too much history and my friends will all be gone next year. I'll probably return for another weekend in the Spring, as a final farewell of this place, peresay.

It is emotional here. I no doubt have been a wreck as of late, but I'm not going into that. Maybe wreck isn't the right word; just emotional, I guess. I have some of the best times of my life in the city, but everything has to come to an end at some point. A big house party tonite seems like the corker, then.

I have quite a busy week coming up, but what week isn't busy, ya know? After a massive presentation on Monday, I have to catch up on all my readings, go buy a computer, get it all spiffied up and just try and get back on track. Things are a bit of a mess... an organized mess, but a mess regardless.

I'm going to Prague to see my mom in November. That'll be nice.

peace-

Computer Hell...

I still don't have my computer back. 18 days and counting. I feel like a rich, spoiled Westerner when I complain about lacking my computer, but under these circumstances, having it would be extremely beneficial to my well being. Like tonite, for example; I missed a deadline on an article due today because of a late interview. It must, absolutely must, be submitted tonite. So instead of returning home after 12 straight hours at school, I have to go to my friend Jared's and use his, or go to an internet cafe. Ah, the lack of personality. If it wasn't for my Ipod, I'd be in a catharsis.

This is not a good week. Prepping to go to Leeds; I'm swamped... Huge presentation next Monday as well. Plus that day is Yom Kippur. Ah well...

Hey...

My computer is still broken. I feel swamped without it. More later.

Hi,

Another sunny day in Amsterdam. I'm starting to feel inundated, well actually drowning for that matter, in work. School is the most arduous, as the reading continues to mount within any hope of reprieval. In addition, I have a major presentation (3hrs+!) next week, papers due and more and more reading. It's not that I'm not enjoying the reading, because for the most part, I am... There is just so much. I don't know if a PhD is really the road I want to travel down; a research MA is hard enough.

Right now I'm beefing up on the theories abound in collective memory, given from the father figure of the discipline, Maurice Halwachs. He basically states that our memory is formed and directed in a collective manner - meaning, it's the people and groups around you and how you communicate them that shape memory. It's very marxist, but it makes sense. I have to write a response paper on it. Fun! Also, I'm reading up on the historiography surrounding the epic, and if epics are worthwhile in contemporary society. Think about that one...

I'm still figuring out how to link this to my indie rock theorem, and I have decided that I want to focus on two important websites that breed pretension in the industry; pitchfork and suicide girls. They are intrinsically different, but propose similar idealogies concerning style, fashion and music. I haven't figured out which theorists I'm going to connect this too, but I have many ideas brewing in my head.

I get my computer back tomorrow, hopefully fixed along with my external HD, also hopefully fixed. Tomorrow is a big day; I have a job interview, an appt for my tax number (my last immigration issue) and a dinner for Rosh Hashannah with some newly found Jewish friends. I also have to find time to read and research throughout, in addition to keeping up with job-work.

Things otherwise are unchanged. Life is good, all things considering, even though I have my 'alli' moments, as I call em, which come and go. I still feel like this is home though, and that is extremely important. Now if I could stop procrastinating and become as smart as everyone else - cause I'm the resident idiot - then all will be sorted.

peace-

Hi,

Well, lots of good news and bad news lately. I'll start with the bad news.

My computer crashed again. I think the back light died, as I can plug it into another monitor and it works fine. I took it to another place for fixing, and if all is well, I should have my external HD and computer up and running by Friday. I put myself on the waiting list for a new MAC, but I'm going to wait till I can afford a PowerBook Pro before I buy a new computer.

Good news, I finalized my trip to ICELAND! I received a press ticket to the festival and am in the process of booking all my travel plans. This means I'll be in London also for the a period of time in October, in addition to Reykjavik. The festival website is located HERE, so check it out.

Life has been busy. I wish I had time to see some of the wonderful friends I've made, but I've been swamped. The readings are piling up, the dutch homework takes tons of time (but it's helping) and the assignments are beginning. School is still absolutely enthralling, so I'm not complaining. I just had a class on Michel Serres, a philosopher new to me but whom I now admire. I recommend him to anyone interested in growing as an intellect page by page. He has been de-legitimized in academia apprantely, but I don't care... I loved it.

My bike is back up and running, and I also booked a trip to Geneva in December to see Eamon, Farhad and Meghan. On top of that, my dad is taking me on a Cruise December 22-29, so I will be HOME for NYE. Make plans.

No more real news... thinking... thinking... I still have yet to get a Sofi nummer, the social insurance or security number here, but that should happen within the next few weeks... I'm genuinely happy though, and I think Alli's spirit has a lot to do with that...

Best-

Hello.

I haven't posted all week. I really haven't had that much to post about. I'm just busy at work... really really busy... and I don't really think that's an entertaining blog post.

I will have Iceland finalized by Monday, which I'm really excited about. This weekend will be uneventful because of my workload. I hope to go to Almere and see Dele Sosimi, Fela Kuti's keyboardist in Afrika 80. I have to buckle down and giv'r work style to get to go though. I've had a productive day thusfar, which is good.

I think the Jewish holidays are soon. I should check up on that. More later.

It was too hot today for pictures... next time.

Research focus... research focus... I have been pondering what I want to write about for my final papers this semester and ultimately, my thesis. Everybody at school has some sort of pedagogical research focus and I'm drawing a blank with myself. I want to write about indie rock, theorize the pretension and the scene that we are currently enjoying or not enjoying. There is a level of pretension in indie, it's nothing new, and I'd like to like it to prescribed literacy and folklore, in some way...

well, more thinking awaits.

Howdy...

I have to take some more pictures of this city. Next post will be a picture only post. It has been gorgeous lately, so I hope it keeps up. It was amazing out today as well...

Okay, I had a lot of work to do this weekend, but I did most of it. Vice, JamBase, Relix, Pop Matters, School etc... fun fun fun. I have a few outstanding CD Reviews but those are easy anywho.

Today was, once again, a lovely day minus a few annoyances. I met my friend Gail at the Tropen Museum (Tropic Museum) for the last day of the Hindu Gods museum. It was free and colourful. I love the images in Hindu and Buddhism; they are so ostentatious and full of life. I also love elephants. After that we went to Oosterpark (East Place Park) to sit in the sun and read. She was reading up on Weber while I was mostly dicking around, reading non-academic stuff. Then like usual, I got hungry so we found some food and drink.

After returning to our bikes to say goodbye, I found that my back tire had a big puncture in it and was completely flat. If I rode it, then the tire would come off the wheel frame and I'd go flying, and it was unpatchable, so I had no choice but to walk. To preface my frustration, I just patched my front tire, which busted last week. Now, poetic justice came and bit me in the ass. Anywho, Oosterpark is about an hour's walk from my flat, and it was hot and sunny. Better yet, I wore my sandles and developed blisters whilst walking. I got home, frustrated and pissed off about my tire. I'll fix it tomorrow.

Back to the grind tomorrow. While I am backing out of a cultural studies of sexuality course because it does not fit my schedule this semester, the class is going on a tour of the Red Light District tomorrow and then drinks, so I'm going to join them. Why the hell not, ya know?

till next time...

Weekends...

Well, this is my 70th post. That's quite a few for me. I hope people are reading :). This is the easiest way to find out how life is in Amsterdam! Or you can call me :)

Anyway, my last post was fairly negative, and all that has reversed itself and worked itself out. Surprisingly or not, the past few days have been lovely. Absolutely lovely. I sorted out some extremely important immigration paperwork yesterday, went to an amazing dinner party hosted by my University where I met loads of people and have genuinely been happy. It's been sunny the past few days - including today - and despite an insane workload, I'm content. Really content.

There is not much to report on. I had a lovely conversation with the head of my program, who used to teach a Canadian Literature Class at Vrije Universteit, the other Uni in Amsterdam. We harked on about Atwood and Highway, which was lovely. This place is so intellectually stimulating. I feel free, wonderful, challenged, pressured and most importantly, happy. I think Alli has something to do with this.

Another Lovely Day...

I'm being sarcastic. Today has been tough. I accidentally pissed off some good friends of mine today - although I didn't mean to - and I hope they forgive me. Time does heal all wounds, and I'm hoping all works out. Other than that, things are status-quo. I always remember the saying that if you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. I'm learning how true that is, because when I make one mistake after doing things relatively right for years, it really dents how I feel. I feel like crap, and I deserve to. I'm sorry guys.

-Shain

Today is Alli's 27th Birthday. Happy Birthday Alli.

Here We Go Again...

Well, I had this grandiose post that, when written, felt like one of my best posts ever on Monday, but somehow my embryonic knowledge of dutch keyboards deleted it before I posted it. Therefore, I'm going to try and recreate it as best as I can.

First I am going to talk about school. School is enthralling. Absolutely enthralling. This is the most challenging thing I'll have ever put myself through as of yet, but I am ready for the challenge. The courses are exactly as impressive as I thought, and my reading list is montrous, but it's all good. My professors are intimidating. For example, one of my courses, a classic text course in media studies is tought by three adjoint professors. One is the national archivist for the Netherlands and the other two are best selling authors. In Cultural Analysis, my core course is tought by the head of the faculty who just came from Northwestern University. Plus, both courses are small (15-20) and contain people from all over the world. Atleast ten nationalities are represented in each. It's amazing. I feel extremely un-exotic when surrounded by people from Korea, Ghana, Puerto Rico, the US, Russia, Netherlands, Belgium, Indonesia etc... Plus, half of my course already have their MA and are going for a second because this is the best course in Europe in Cultural Analysis. I am one lucky, extremely frightened duck.

As for how I'm doing integrating, their are ups and downs. Today I suffered a major setback, when I realized that the girl who helped me with my initial residence permit fucked up, accidentally checking the 'not allowed to work' box instead of the right 'allowed to work' box. I am legally allowed to work, but without proper documentation, I can't apply for a tax number and therefore can't get paid. Therefore, I'm working here, somewhat illegally for the time being and not getting paid, while all my work is being bankrolled until I sort this out. It could take weeks, maybe a month to sort this out.

The red tape in the Netherlands is to the likes of which I have seen. It is amazing how much protocol you have to go through to integrate. It borders insanity. I believe this is because despite the veil of Holland being a liberal, welcoming society, they are actually extremely inclusive and xenophobic. They don't want people here, and make your life hell as a result. It's hard accepting the fact that you are a foreigner, first and foremost. Not a person in the system, but a foreigner. I know it will all work out, but patience is a virtue. My bank account is still not entirely sorted, as my Internet Banking requires a seperate application that the bank initiates and I've yet to receive the documentation. Fun.

Okie... more...

My computer crashed on Thursday and I just got it back today. Unfortunately I have some issue with my Internet settings and cannot access MSN Messenger yet, but everything else is sorted. My external HD crashed as well, which made my heart sink, but it's being fixed for a pretty penny. 100GB of music is on there, and losing it would be heartwrenching. Thankfully I backed up 3/5ths of it on my Ipod. I should have that back by the end of the week. I apologize to any and all who I've neglected throughout this process. Being without a computer was a bitch, but somewhat liberating.

Oh, and I discovered I have cable. 4 English channels taboot. Law and Order last nite was a blast.

Now onto how I've been getting by with the locals here. There seems to be a bunch of lovely folk at school, and I have get togethers both Thursday and Friday to get to know them more. I've had my lovely friend Deja Gordon here since Friday, and she's staying another week, so it's been nice having a Canadian pal here to gripe with. We spent the weekend together, doing nothing much but walking around the city. We did see Malian singer Mory Kante at the Seven Seasons Outdoor Fest here in Amsterdam on Saturday and it was fantastic. It was on a barge set up on Reguliersgracht Canal. He had a nine piece traditional band. Fantastic. Tonite I'm off to see Cursive.

Other than that, it's been status quo. Some days are emphatically lovely and other wreched, but I'm getting by. Some days homesick, others travel-sick. I found a super cheap plane ticker to Leeds on Jet2 and will be there Sep 28 - Oct 1 for the weekend, and plans are still in the works to go to Iceland for the Airwaves Festival. I am excited for both. I am also trying to find a way to get on Birthright, but that will have to wait till next week when the European selection process begins. More on that later.

In closing, everyday is an adventure and a challenge. Walking around knowing nothing of the language is tough, and often I feel either ignorant or an idiot. Meeting the dutch is tough too, but slowly but surely I'm meeting some amazing people. I feel like I'm growing shy, or at least more shy, because I'm so intimidated socially and intellectually right now. I'm trying to be more forward, but it is a challenge. I have identified this, and I believe I've gotten through the first step of being more social and open... I just sometimes don't know what I can contribute to conversations, when culturally or ideologically, they are beyond my scope. Things are improving though.

Lastly, tomorrow was supposed to be Alli's 27th Birthday. I miss her more than I've missed anyone before, and I love her everyday. Happy Birthday Alli. I miss you and I love you.

Till Next Time...